What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize