I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
