good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
