life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to