By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys