Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.