Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.