God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
