I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
