Don't you send me to vm
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
