my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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