Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize