He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
