i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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