I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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