i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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