Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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