if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize