i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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