Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
