you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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