can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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