i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize