I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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