Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
