Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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