yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."