I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not