Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(