So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.