I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.