At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?