at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day