I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.