dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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