Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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