I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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