In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.