My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers