Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.