There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
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dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.