He had one of those small greek statue penises
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize