Too much gin, very little bucket
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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