dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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