i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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