Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
