Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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