Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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