He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
