they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize