perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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