matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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