My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize