walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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