i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
