I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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