My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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