its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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