So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
