I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
