I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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