I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
