he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
